Have you ever had one of those moments where every fiber in your body was lighting up like the image of the United States from space?
Your stomach forming knots that would rival any budding boy scout.
That was me.
At 17, I met what came to be my first real boyfriend.
Little did I know I would come to harbor a secret.
For a year I suffered in silence while I encountered partner rape.
At the time, I didn’t recognize it that way, because. .. I didn’t say no…or fight back…and well, he didn’t “force” me.
I truly believed the above, but my heart and my body knew it wrong.
I cried…I stayed silent…I went numb.
I finally left, realizing my love would not change anything.
It took me years to even recognize what he did to me as rape.
I am past that part of my life now, but not without the invisible scars.
You may be in a similar spot as I.
But the truth of the matter is, as horrible as that event was I learned one important thing.
And that is, to trust my heart, my body, and my intuition.
Sometimes we go against that feeling in the pit of our stomach, and our heart goes kicking and screaming trying to hold on to everything along the way, sounding every alarm possible and trying to defy our faulty reasoning.
We ignore the signs.
Every time you reach out to different people, to answer the same question over and over again, you already know the answer. You are somehow seeking validation in your truth.
Sometimes the fear of the unknown is so vast that it can hinder us from making a change, even though the current situation is sucking our soul dry, like an energy leeching mosquito.
Learning to trust out gut instincts can prove life-saving or soul-saving.
This doesn’t only apply to our “sorority” but can apply to any one of us.
The need for us to get out of our own heads is real, because sometimes there is faulty logic in our reasoning.
My faulty logic was, he did love me; at least he wasn’t beating me; and if I just oblige it’s not what I think it is, I’m just overreacting.
I allowed my reasoning overcast my heart. My body was screaming out to survive, but in the course of going numb I quieted that screaming.
My request to you is this, when your body is screaming at the top of its lungs that a situation isn’t right for you, whether it’s a career, a relationship, or a simple decision; please do not turn your back on you.
What does that defiance feel like?
- If you literally feel sick to your stomach at the mere mention of the person or situation, that is a clue.
- If you try everything to change the course of a situation and it never avails to go in the right direction maybe that is a clue.
- And if that person or thing disappeared off the face of this earth, and you would bat one pretty little lash, then that is a clue.
Don’t waste your precious energy on something that will not feed your soul in any way.
I will leave you with this quote (click on the quote to tweet it)
Never offer up your soul to slaughter over someone or something that will not mourn its loss.
You should come first, because you are worth it![divider]
This post is a part of the Summit Blog Tour, which leads up to the Soul*Full Summit hosted by Catherine Just. I’m thrilled to be a part of an event that empowers entrepreneurs, artists and creatives to take action toward their dreams while helping create more opportunities for people with Down syndrome. You can join the movement by signing up for the Summit HERE.